love and awesome

mother's day was incredibly special. even though it was a little bittersweet, i realized that i am surrounded by so much love and awesome. thankful beyond words.

this particular mother's day

my mom passed away in january.
and i am coming to the realization that, especially in this first year, every holiday, every event, every occasion is tinged with sadness. i can't call her on the phone, see her face, hug her neck anymore to celebrate.
it's strange.
my family isn't the same anymore.
how could it be?
she held it together. and on this particular mother's day, how can we celebrate when our matriarch is gone?
i've been so blessed. she saw me graduate, get married, have a child. 
she was there the day i became a mother. in her right hand was my hand, in her left hand was my leg supporting me, holding me when i pushed my baby into this world. she welcomed him and kissed me. she loved like no one else i've ever known.
it was a big love.
i've been so blessed.
but on this particular mother's day, it is tinged with sadness.